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I Dreamed a Dream

Its so hard to actually sit down and write what my dream is. For as long as I can remember I have wanted to act but reality seems to always get in the way so to have to pretend that it could actually come true… well that’s a bit like placing it right in front of my reach where it is plausible, feasible even and yet still pointing out every reason for it to never come true.


After this term, in February or March, I will go down to LA to start the process of auditioning for anything I can get. Luckily my family lives in LA and in Malibu for I would be staying with my Aunt and only have to babysit and help with my aunts company once in awhile in exchange for the room that I already have at her house. In that sense I am extremely lucky and have a head up on someone else who would have the same goal. Hopefully I would be able to find a position as a secretary or in some kind of office position with my experience working for the OSU Foundation and with my degree. If not then my aunt has a children’s theater program that I can work with until I get cast in something.

Please don’t think that I want this for fame or glory or anything like that. I love being on stage, being able to become someone else, to challenge myself and my craft. Its not about the shows either, its about the relationships and friendships that grown between the actors, crew and directors backstage. What the audience sees on stage is only a small portion of what theater, TV, movies are about. I have been extremely blessed with the people I have met through the two theaters that I am a part of. I would not have survived the last two years of college without their love and constant support.

The biggest saving problem I have is the fact that I work a school job that pays a little above minimum wage, I commute from Salem to Corvallis and the price of gas itself cuts up what little I make. My car recently died beyond repair so I have been using my parents car until I can save up enough to buy my own. I made the mistake two years ago to go volunteer in Africa, a trip that took up all of my savings and I am still struggling to make it back. Once I save up enough for a car, I am guessing I will need close to $4,000, I can move down to California and get started on my insane dream.

After reading the article How and Why to Become an Actor, something I did when I took a break from writing this, has made me reconsider a few things. For one thing I should probably try getting work in Portland first. A good friend of mine is moving down to Portland this summer and needs a roommate to help pay for the apartment so living with her for a while might be a good idea. Of course I would need to find a job in Portland, still get a car and start paying rent and utilities.

One of the main things I have noticed in my research is that everyone ways that you need to build up your resume and be read for a LOT of rejection. At least the rejection part is something that I am used to. I have auditioned at the Pentacle Theater since I was 14 and I just finished my first show there in October. One of the things I have learned from my countless auditions is that you have to go into an audition with a mix of feelings. If you go into an audition believing you won’t get it then you won’t get it but if you go in thinking you have it in the bag then you can be over confident and end up really broken down when you don’t get it. There has to be a balance between confidence and disinterest almost. As long as you know that you did your best you can’t have any regrets. Sometimes directors simply cast different people because they have a different look or their chemistry works better with the other actors being cast. “You have to do all of this knowing you’re up for a commercial that could make you $25,000 or a film role that can help get your career rolling.  There is a lot of pressure to be incredible on a moment’s notice.  The actors who tend to do the best at auditions have learned to distance themselves from being result oriented” (McKay).

Who knows what will happen in the next 10-15 years? Hopefully I will be making a decent living doing what I love. I honestly don’t know what else to do with my life aside from acting but hopefully I will be able to figure it out. That’s all part of growing up right?



McKay, Brett, and Kate McKay. “How and Why to Become an Actor | The Art of Manliness.” The Art of Manliness | Men’s Interests and Lifestyle. Web. 13 Nov. 2011. <http://artofmanliness.com/2009/08/19/so-you-want-my-job-actor/&gt;.


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